if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
