Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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