Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
