i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
how does that bad decision feel?
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