He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
