shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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