it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
