he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
