just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
