I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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