shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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