I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
