I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
