I hate all girls vehemently.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
