he shaved USA in his pubs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
