I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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