Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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