No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
