Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Will exercising make me less horny?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
