explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
a search helicopter?!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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