I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
