Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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