we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
