I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
