I faked an abortion last night.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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