what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
