i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
