I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
