i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
