I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
