Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
