Kiss
Puke
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
