Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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