You're completely useless in the revolution.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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