my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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