Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
