I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
