After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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