you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
