I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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