In the future we'll all be gay
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
