There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
