Betty ford says i'm here all night
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
