I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
