Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
