Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
