My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
