How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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