is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
