She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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