I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
