just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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