Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
