she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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